Loving Myself

Thought provoking questions found here

Who do you sometimes compare yourself to?

I find that I compare myself to everyone. My friends, my coworkers, girls shopping at the mall, the ex's new girlfriend...etc.

I don't have low self-esteem. I think I am attractive and my personality is great but I always find the "better" qualities in everyone else. When I compare myself to my ex's gf, I think about him meeting her in a bar. Bars = fun I suppose so the girl must be fun. She must have something so great about her that he just up and left me so soon after meeting her.

I have never been to a bar. My friends invite me all the time but I just don't see myself enjoying it. For one, I don't drink. Two, I don't like being around drinking/drunk people. Three, I can't stand smoke. Four, I dislike loud music unless it is an outdoor concert. Five, all my friends are prettier than me so I would totally look like the loser of the group.

I am trendy, I dress nice and "cutesy". I love dressing up and going out...to the bookstore. I'm the cute, nerdy girl I guess you could say. I don't follow sports but I like going to sporting events...just the competitive atmosphere that attracts me I guess. I love being outside. Camping, hiking, bike riding, skate boarding lol, basically I am a guy in a female body with awesome style.

I will always compare myself to others. I think it is just human nature to do so.

Although, I am slowly learning to love me for me and that is all that matters right now.

Driving Myself Insane

Ten on Tuesday

1. What’s the recipe for your favorite drink? (Smoothie, alchoholic, coffee, whatever.)
Wow. I am going to sound really boring but I don't drink anything besides water. I do, however, like the Mio drink mix in strawberry/watermelon.

2. What kind of razor do you use?
Venus Spa breeze

3. Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?
I didn't watch Sesame Street as a child and my daughter doesn't either but I remember my most favorite book ever when I was little was "Cookie Monster and the Cookie Tree". Sooo, Cookie Monster.

4. What makes the perfect salad? (Lettuce type, toppings, dressing, etc.)
I use any garden salad bag mix for lettuce and then I add shredded taco cheese, diced tomato, garlic cheese croutons, bacon bits, diced chicken or some ham, and lots of ranch. MMMMM.

5. What was your favorite subject in school?
Elementary school: Reading/language arts.  Middle school: Science/social studies  High school: Art & home ec

6. What’s your favorite summer tradition?
My birthday is July 4th so my family always gave me a morning birthday party with balloons and games, then for the afternoon we had a bbq, and of course fireworks that night. We still do the same thing minus the morning activity.

7. Do you suffer from season allergies? How do you combat them?
Thankfully, NO!

8. How often do you have to charge your cell phone?
"Have" to every few days but I usually charge it every night while I sleep.

9. Do you have a bucket list?
No. I'm just boring like that.... Think I should go make one though, it might actually give me something to look forward to.

10. Do you have any desire to go back to school?
Ha. NO. My life is busy enough with my daughter and two jobs.

*Questions found here

More Than Words

Confused

The ex says he misses us and is thinking about moving back. He said he is going to start looking for a job here and an apartment. While the thought of that does make me happy if he actually did follow through with those plans, I'm just left here wondering why he wouldn't just move in with us and be with his family again like he is supposed to? What did I do that was so bad that he would leave me for another woman?

He says that they haven't been getting along for the past month but as of now their wedding is still on for October. Obviously I realize their relationship can't be that bad if he still has plans to get married.

This guy is totally undecided right now. And he needs to get it together. I want him back so much but I won't wait forever. It isn't fair to me to not have love in my life.

But I don't want to start looking for another love. I want his love.

Today is the day...

I see the ex today after 7 long weeks of not seeing him. We will be meeting halfway and taking our daughter to the zoo tomorrow. I am both excited yet sad. We should be doing things like this as a family all of the time. This isn't the way our life nor our daughter's life was supposed to be. He said his girlfriend wanted to come and meet our daughter but NO. I am not ready for that. Don't think I ever will be. If she shows up anyway I will seriously freak out. I don't even know what she looks like, I don't know anything about her. It just makes me shaky just thinking about meeting her. It isn't her fault that he left me for her, I know. I still don't like her though, just because. My family tells me I am being immature about it all but I don't care...they have never had the one person they have been with for their ENTIRE life just disappear in the blink of an eye.

Cross My Heart